Legendary head basketball coach at UCLA, John Wooden. (Photo by Andy Lyons)
Every holiday season brings about a personal practice in which I do an evaluation of my inner circle—acknowledging the partnerships that push me to be better and identifying the relationships that hinder my success. Focusing on the people we surround ourselves with most gives us an indicator of how or why things turned out either positive or negative in the prior year and portends what lies ahead.
I started this annual evaluation 15 years ago after a breakfast meeting with former UCLA basketball legend John Wooden, the greatest coach of all time and one of the most significant mentors in my life. Coach and I were talking about the importance of who we hold closest and he took a sheet of paper from my notebook. He drew two lines from the top of the paper to the bottom, then he handed it back to me and told me to use each of the three columns to write the names of the people I spent my time with – five each in my business, personal and social lives.
“Those are the people who are your inner circle,” Coach said. “Those you give your time to are those with who you have chosen to be your closest relationships. The list shouldn’t be the names of people you wished you spent time with. It needs to be a true account.”
Who do would you consider to be part of your "inner circle"? Are they pushing you towards, and have ... [+]
Then Coach instructed me to take the list and ask two simple questions as I thought of each person: Do they want for me and my future what I want for me and my future? Or are they an anchor dragging me down? “If they are an anchor,” Coach said, “strike the from the list and replace them with people who will help you grow.” As a result, I evaluate whether someone adds upside or whether they are an energy vampire who just sucks the quality from my life. By the way, once identified, you must distance yourself from the energy vampires—limit their access to you so their impact on you lessens greatly.
As he finished the explanation of the exercise, Coach said simply: “You will never outperform your inner circle, so always be evaluating and improving that circle.”
What a powerful lesson! Coach eloquently stated that our capacity for greatness is directly influenced by those with whom we intentionally give our most precious asset: time.
How confident are you that the people around you have your best interest in mind? Do you have the kind of professional support nearby that helps you close a critical deal or deliver a clutch presentation? Or is your circle too concerned with their own impulsive agendas to ever truly pour into you the way it should?
As I’ve grown in my ability to manage this exercise, I now make sure not to end with a list full of people who provide only positive affirmations and no pushback whatsoever. Think about it, if a boxer’s corner only gives great pep talks, but lacks expertise and proper training, a bruised face and ego are the typical result—see Nate Robinson.
For instance, when I wanted to start sharing my new corporate leadership podcasts to a broader audience of executives and business minds, I didn’t bounce my ideas off of fellow speakers who had never created or marketed podcasts. Instead, I valued a media partnership and aligned myself with people who could increase my capacity for great things in that space—and I’m so excited about the work ahead.
You, too, deserve a circle that makes you enthused about what’s to come in your life. You deserve a circle that gives you the gift of growth.
That’s the other part I value about this inner circle exercise. It encourages you to pour back into the circle with your insight, access, or skill set. What are you doing to raise the ceiling and add value to your circle? What can you start doing more of to bring the kind of value that enhances those in your circle?
A stronger circle always encourages better decision-making and selflessness.
This holiday season we’ve all been gifted a reminder to improve our circle, value our partnerships & pour into our relationships.
